He also loses all of his credit cards and bank accounts. Ted gets fired from his job because he's not a person. Hes an object, and the adoption process has raised some red flags. Also, more importantly, Ted is not legally recognized as a human. Again, because of her drug use, they cant adopt. Tami-Lynn is barren because of all her drug use so the artificial insemination wont work. He kisses up to an exec (John Carroll Lynch) by telling him that he changes the urinal cakes in his favorite urinal every day because a man that important shouldnt have to smell pee. Ted says that he's covered in "more black guy jizz than a Kardashian." Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) is now a janitor at Hasbro. The doctor comes back and tells John that hes covered in rejected Sickle Cell samples. Before you know it, John is on the ground coated in sperm samples. John comes in and they start horsing around. One of the doctors recognizes Ted from the news and shows him a room where sperm is stored for medical studies. They go to a fertility clinic so that John can donate. While hiding, John tells Ted that hes hurt that Ted never asked him to be a donor. ![]() Ted and John break in to jerk off Tom Brady in his sleep and steal his sperm. That night, Brady opens his bedroom door leading to his balcony to cool off. John poses as an A/C repair man and cuts Bradys A/C. They decide to get the next best thing to a super hero and devise a plan to steal Tom Bradys (himself) sperm. On the way out, they accidentally break Sam Jones car window and bolt. Sam Jones cant be a donor because his sperm count is 1 on account of all the drugs he did in the 80s (up until earlier today, Id assume). They decide that Sam Jones would be a great sperm donor because hes Flash Gordonalso, Ted is a teddy bear and doesnt have a dick, so he cant get Tami-Lynn pregnant himself. John and Ted get stoned and watch Law & Order. So, Ted proposes that to Tami-Lynn and they both agree that shed make a great mom. A coworker named Joy suggests that Ted and Tami-Lynn have a kid to save their marriage because "having a baby makes white niggers" happy-pointing to a white family in the store. Back at the grocery store, Liam Neeson (himself) stops in and asks if he can buy Trix cereal because the commercials have led him to believe theyre just for kids. Just then, John rushes out of the bathroom followed by an apologizing Jay Leno. John goes into the bathroom and Ted tries to con a free drink out of her by promising not to tell anyone that Jay Leno hangs out there looking for gay bathroom sex. The bartender flirts with John, but hes just not interested. Ted meets John at McFeltys Pub to complain. ![]() Teds mad that she spends so much money on clothes and Tami-Lynn is mad that Ted wastes so much money on weed. ![]() Their bills are piling up and neither are making enough money as cashiers at the local grocery store to make ends meet. One year later, the honeymoon is over for Ted and Tami-Lynn. Ted does a dance sequence on a giant wedding cake over the opening credits. We also find out that Guy (Patrick Warburton) is dating Rick (Michael Dorn). At the reception we find out that John (Marky Mark) is depressed because he got divorced from Lori six months ago. Sam Jones (himself) is presiding over the nuptials. The opening scene shows Ted (voice of Seth MacFarlane) and Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth) are getting married.The synopsis below may give away important plot points.
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